


carol is my name

by qkdxksthsuseks



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Hate to Love, Love/Hate, Pain, Please Don't Hate Me, Redemption, Regret, Reunions, Sad, but jude law is irresistible lol, enjoy, i made up some background story, ik he's supposed to be a bad guy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-11-19 04:17:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18130856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qkdxksthsuseks/pseuds/qkdxksthsuseks
Summary: Yon-Rogg remembers everything; the moment he first saw her to the last time she punched him.





	1. Chapter 1

Yon-Rogg sat in his prison cell, a chill slithering across his skin. He didn't mind. He thought again and again if he could've done something different. He still felt it sometimes, his blood coursing irregularly, hot and mad. He never told her because he never thought it was irrelevant. But his blood flowed in her. He felt _her_ most extreme emotions. He sometimes pondered whether he should've told this  _feature_ to his superiors, or anyone. But he didn't. And now was too late to change. 

He knew that if they turned time back, he would've have changed something, anything. He ran it through his head, simulations after simulations. His choices lead to horrible endings. And maybe reality had been possibly the only way Vers - no, Carol - could live. 

Maybe he should've killed her right on C-53. Maybe he should've let her live on C-53 with her memories erased. 

The two choices were the best. The others were letting her in on the secret, not sending her on that mission, opposing to the Kree to request someone else's blood, et cetra. None of them seemed right. It took him a long time that the right choice was already made. It was this and this was how it should be and will be. 

He wasn't really a person that thought back on the past, but  _this_ was the only thing he thought about for the past years. He didn't really have anything think about in the cell anyways, he was a traitor to the Kree Empire. He had been the moment he couldn't defeat her. The moment he came back empty handed with a message of vengeance. And there he was, a long with the other traitors in the prison cell, thinking about the reason he was there. 

_\- another dream?_

_- let's fight._

_\- that's not how you answer a question, vers._

He never realized that he feared about her finding out until it happened. When he stood there in the cabin, the Skrull corpse on the floor, his heart fell. It shattered. He didn't realize how much it would hurt him, only about how much it would hurt her. He didn't understand at first but later he realized he hated that feeling. Those foreign emotions.

"She's here!" 

"Captain Marvel!" 

Someone screamed and the chant spread. Yon-Rogg stood up abruptly and pressed his body to electric bars - as close as possible anyways. He could hear people's excited yells and something light up inside them,  _hope._ A sigh escaped his mouth and a wry smile appeared as he sulked back into the shadows. He wanted to run up and see her, really  _see_ her. 

But he couldn't, he shouldn't, and he knew. 

"Is everyone alright?" 

It was her voice. He felt something tremble inside him, maybe it was his blood again. He lowered his hood and covered his face with his hands. If her saw her, he knew he would do things he would regret. He felt the warmth radiating, closer and closer. The light came closer and closer. And he felt it, the halt by the electric bars, the pause. 

"Hello, is anyone here?" she asked. 

There was a pause. 

"He's some ex-Kree commander. The Empire abandoned him." Someone explained. "He's been here for ten years." 

His pulse became faster, he wondered if it was really his or hers. He knew she wasn't dumb, she was intelligent and strong. He knew she would have put two and two together something. She might not remember it immediately and that was fine, it was better than fine actually. He hoped she didn't remember him. It would make him feel better that she was perfectly fine after all these years. 

"Come with us, I'll take you to a safe place." Her voice cracked. 

Yon-Rogg didn't say anything because he knew anything that would come out of his mouth would be trash. 

The bars were swerved as Carol twisted it with her hands, light radiating from her every movement. She walked closer and closer and Yon-Rogg felt his heart pause. He inhaled a sharp breath. His blood boiled. It was her anger. He shuddered, waiting for something to come. 

"Get up." It was an order. She knew who he was. 

He stood up, half-ashamed to be standing like this. He lifted his head and saw her again. She looked the same. She was always the same. Even when she was weak and human, she had that passion and the heart of a lion. He wondered if he was the same. He still  _looked_ the exact same, perhaps except for the emptiness lying in his eyes. That was what solitude did to people. And bruises and injuries of course, the daily torture routine. 

"Alright, everyone, get to my ship," Carol muttered, waving her hands dismissively. 

Yon-Rogg stood there, watching as the people flowed into the little entrance. They seemed to trust her. Did  _he_ trust her? Probably. He shouldn't though. As he lingered in the cell, he felt Carol take a sharp breath as she snapped, "Get in, Yon-Rogg." 

He shouldn't have been happy but he was anyways. He was  _relieved._ That she remembered him. That she considered him as an enemy, after all these years. He dragged his body into the spaceship and watched as the doors closed shut and left the miserable prison cell. Something odd came up in his heart. Maybe he did consider that a home after ten years. The rest of the prison seemed to explode, probably to disguise the escapade as mass murder. 

"Where are we going?" he asked, briskly. 

"To the closest jump point and get the hell out of here." Her reply was short. 

"And then?" 

"Does it matter?" 

He realized he was returning to his old self. Something that he didn't know he missed. He watched as the refugees and Kree criminals were ushered into rooms where they were made comfortable. He watched as Carol passed out hot drinks and blankets. Maybe if the way she smiled warmly at them and also expertly started flying through the galaxy. She was competent. She didn't need him anymore, she never did. 

It made him feel a little better. 

"Sit there." Her voice turned cold when she turned to him. She pointed at a chair that looked like a torture device. He raised an eye brow, questioning her decision. She glared at him for a long time, unmoving. With a sigh, Yon-Rogg moved and sat on the chair with a grunt. Immediately, electric straps appeared and locked him in place. He wasn't surprised. But he was slightly surprised by how prepared she was to greet him. 

The ship reached its jump point and Yon-Rogg felt dizzy for a moment and then felt nothing at all. It was just calm and peaceful. He craned his neck, straining to see the outside. It was all black with no one around. Carol sighed and lifted her hands off the controller. 

"Rest for a while and then we'll start traveling again," she instructed. "The beds are at the last room. You're welcome." 

There was a unified grunt of thank you's as the alien refugees trudged away, leaving her in the presence of a powerless Yon-Rogg. He groaned, knowing exactly what was going to happen next. He stared at her as she marched up to him, dignified and powerful. She yanked his hood off and grabbed his collar, leaning close. Her eyes bored straight into his like she was hypnotizing him. 

He looked the same. He looked empty at the beginning but he was catching that flame again. He was becoming arrogant again, prideful again. That was what she wanted. So she can feel more satisfied crushing him. She gritted her teeth and released him and his body pressed into the chair with a sigh. 

"Hello," Yon-Rogg spoke. 

Carol whipped around with a balled fist and aimed for his face. Yon-Rogg squeezed his eyes shut. But the punch never came. He opened his eyes to see her furious and raging with anger. She almost looked sad as she breathed in and out, her eyes turning red, her fist inches away from his face. She looked human. She was trying to control her anger, control her emotions. Yon-Rogg had a gut-feeling he made her into this self-toxic person. He felt sick. 

_\- control it, vers. you have to keep your emotions in check._

_\- i'm sorry, yon-rogg._

It was time she was free from his manipulation. 

Carol was definitely staring at him but her eyes were distant. She exhaled loudly and and stepped away. He watched as some internal conflict happen inside her. Carol walked behind the chair so Yon-Rogg couldn't see her again. She sat down in her chair and sighed, covering her face with her hands. This always happened to her. Sometimes she thought everything was fine, she was rescuing people from planet to planet, and then at times like this she felt like she never went further than that brainwashed Kree weapon. 

And facing  _him_ made it realer. He was standing before her, broken. He was the living proof that she was broken as well. She was desperate to fix it, become a hero, control her emotions. But seeing him made her feel as though she never went beyond the frame he set for her in the first place. 

Yon-Rogg drummed his fingers on the arm rest, his eyes embedded on the floor. He wished she'd knock on his door again and start crying. He wished he could just run over there and yell at her that the whole controlling emotions shit was made up so he could manipulate her better. He wished he could undo every single thing that was happening right now, including the way she thought she had no one to rely on. 

He could feel his blood screaming at him to do something. 

"Whatever," Carol stood up and yanked Yon-Rogg off the electric chair, turning it off in the process. She let him go and really, really got a look of him. He was still tall, looked  _okayish._ Nothing really changed about him. He sounded empty when he talked but she knew it'll come back to him, it always did. 

"Hello," Carol said and Yon-Rogg realized she was responding to his 'hello' from moments before. 

Then she punched him in the face. 

And then in the guts. 

It went on and on until she was panting with anger. She still was punching him but it gradually got lighter and lighter. He bit his lip to suppress the pain rippling across his body. She was punching with her own fists, but the way she punched exactly where he was burned and exactly where he was cut and bruised felt too bad to be true. She couldn't be doing it intentionally. By the time she stopped, he was on the ground and she was across him. 

"I missed you too," he grunted, pushing his body to not make a single groan. He desperately leaned on the wall, hoping this was all over. 

"Fuck you," Carol spat. She kicked him in the shin. "Fuck you, Yon-Rogg." 

"Fuck me," Yon-Rogg gave a wry smirk, dry and faint. He touched his arm, sure that it was at least broken, or far worse. 

Carol focused on him. It made her feel a little better. His eyes told her that he knew that she was free. And that gave her the affirmation she needed. She wasn't just a weapon anymore, she was Carol Danvers. A sigh of relief escaped her mouth. She needed this. This feeling of peace. This feeling that she knew she was broken and it wasn't her fatal flaw. She smiled, sinking into the floor, lying just there, breathless. 

"Thanks." She didn't know why she said that. 

Yon-Rogg stared at her, knowing fully well that she was free. A smile spread but he masked it. 

"Does that mean I don't have to sit in that chair?" 

"No, get your ass back there." 

 


	2. Chapter 2

It took Yon-Rogg a while to realize that she didn't coincidentally come upon his rescue. Every morning she would release him from his chair and watch him eat his breakfast - the only meal offered to him - in vain. And then she would strap him back up and let him watch as she maneuvered the space shuttle from jump point to jump point, to avoid tracking. She would be running around fixing her spaceship, the refugees would sometimes help but it was mostly just her. 

It was on the third day that he realized she wanted something from him. 

"What do you need me for?" He liked things blunt. 

"Entertainment," Carol responded as she watched him sit on the chair. The straps came on with a sizzling buzz. 

Yon-Rogg stared at her for a long time because he thought maybe she would say something that would help him a little more. There was no reason for her to keep him alive, perhaps besides to make him pay for his sins. But she didn't do that either. She hardly talked to him. It was weird. It couldn't be mercy, because of course, he didn't deserve it. He was a traitor to everyone that knew him. 

"You are a horrible liar," Yon-Rogg retorted. 

"I am," Carol nodded. "But you definitely are a good one. A really, really good one." She smirked and swiveled his chair around so she could see him better. She squinted, like she was trying to read his mind. After all these years, she had been wanting to face him once more. And now it all felt pointless. He looked so broken. He was already broken. Maybe the guilt was killing him. 

It wasn't the fact that they brainwashed her into a weapon. It wasn't the fact that she was lied to about who the real enemies were. It wasn't the fact that he killed Mar-Vell. It was how he pretended like he cared for her. Even after she found out about everything, it was still hard to believe that he never cared for her in the first place. He personally took to her training, he helped her get into his team. He had shown far more affection and attention to her than what he should've to a mere weapon. 

The blood transfusion too.  _He_ had personally suggested that, that was a fact.  _He_ volunteered to give  _his_ blood to her. You wouldn't do that to a weapon, even if you valued the weapon so much. It didn't make sense. It didn't make sense to her. 

Yeah, this was why she kept him alive. To ask him this question. 

"Why were you so friendly to me?" she asked, both of her hands on the arm rest, attempting to look like she was threatening her. She knew she could never be intimidating to him, never  _him_. But she gave it a shot anyways. "It doesn't make sense. I was a Kree weapon." 

He looked pained answering. He looked away. "Exactly. You were a Kree weapon." 

"If you tell me why then I'll tell you why I'm here," she smiled. 

He strained and looked at her, his hands trembling slightly. "I've been looking for Mar-Vell's energy core my whole life," he spat out each and every syllable like he hated telling this story. "When you absorbed its power, I was devastated. You took my life's achievements away. I couldn't let you die." He stopped. And he shuddered like it was too painful. "I took you in and I needed you to trust me the most. So that when things went wrong - " Oh, it already had. " - you would know who to turn to. Me." 

Carol peered into his face for a long time. "No shit, Sherlock." Yon-Rogg looked confused at that phrase but she didn't bother explaining it. "Cut the bullshit out, tell me the truth. You liked me, right? You were fond of me, weapon or no weapon." 

"Think whatever you like," Yon-Rogg shrugged. "Tell me why I'm here." 

Carol didn't hesitate to give him an answer, she was planning on telling him at one point anyways. "We're going to have to go through Kree region. A Kree warrior will come and inspect the ship and I want you to distract her while one of the Skrulls give us clearance with her appearance. Is it clear?" She turned to look at him. 

He frowned. "What makes you think I can distract the Kree warrior?" 

"It's Minn-Erva." It was no lie that Minn-Erva always hated her and liked her commander. 

"She's alive?" Yon-Rogg was surprised. He had assumed that his whole team had died. On a second thought he never really thought about what happened to his teammates. 

"She's very alive," Carol laughed disdainfully.

"What makes you think she won't arrest me on the spot?" 

"I want you to distract her. You know she always liked you. And that's why she always hated me." A triumphant look flashed across her visage before she let go of the chair and walked away. 

"Distract her, huh," Yon-Rogg muttered. "What happens after we get clearance?" 

"We dump Minn-Erva into the galaxy and leave," Carol responded. She tilted her head. "Why? Should I spare her for your sake?" She was smiling but her eyes were filled with hatred. He knew that she wanted the satisfaction of him to tell her that he didn't care, he actually didn't. But he didn't say anything and watched her stare at him in frustration. A smirk spread across his lips. 

"You're the same," he said, almost carefully. 

"No, I'm not," Carol snapped. "No." She repeated her words, which made him raise an eye brow. 

Yon-Rogg didn't say anything. He thought leaving her in agony would do better for her. But he knew that she was always the same. He also knew that she took that as an insult when she shouldn't. She had always been so strong and so capable. She had always been so passionate. That didn't come from her Kree weapon side. She had always been and will always be Carol Danvers. 

His head started to hurt and he realized it was her. 

"Will you stop?" he finally shouted. "Stop with all this emotional nonsense. I thought you were strong enough to break past that." He gritted his teeth, trying his best to swivel around to face her. He succeeded and gave a dubious look to her. She raised an eye brow. 

"What?" she looked genuinely confused. 

"After all these years, you're still in the same place," Yon-Rogg sighed. "I thought I taught you better." It was his last sentence that sent her flying towards him, her fists glowing with white light, her eyes almost glowering. 

"What?" Her voice was low and threatening. 

"You're still the same, Vers. Never went beyond that name, did you? You saved C-53 and you think you're done with it. Have you ever paused and thought about what you did? You saved lives but you also killed lives. What makes you different from Vers?" He felt her fingers curling around his neck and stinging pain shooting across his body. He didn't stop, his defiant eyes blazing. 

"Stop," she breathed. 

"No, I won't. I won't until you realize what a pathetic - " 

 _"YOU DON'T KNOW ME."_ Her voice rang clear, vibrating across the space shuttle. Yon-Rogg felt his body strain against her powers. He opened his mouth and laughed. Like a full on menacing, evil laughter. He laughed on and on, his skin turning red by each moment. Then he sputtered out a choke. 

"I don't know you," Yon-Rogg repeated. "And yet you still let me control you." 

Carol leaned close, growling. Then she released him and he sunk into the chair. Then she marched out of the room without another word, her hair still glowing bright. 

Yon-Rogg watched her disappear and sighed. She needed to realize it. He coughed, the urge to rub his neck was so strong he almost gave in. He tilted his head, searching for his non-existent rest. He stretched his body as much as he can in the confinement. He felt his blood rushing back and forth and he hated not being able to act on it. But his decade in the prison had taught him one thing, to be able to mask all the wild things inside him. He paused, and closed his eyes like he always did. He waited until for it to be all over, for everything to wash over. 


End file.
